I was just thinking. . . .

Sometimes I find myself thinking about the strangest things. Since Jennifer is out of town this week, I seem to find myself with some extra time on my hands to think about things.

Do you ever try to compare yourself to someone in history? I do all the time. Many times, it ends up being people from the Bible, just because most of the history that I know is from the Bible. Many people compare themselves to Paul who faced many trials and struggles. I have always had a hard time relating to Paul for the shear fact that I have lived a very charmed life thus far. I cannot relate to his struggles of being falsely imprisoned, nearly beaten to death, and bearing a thorn in his flesh that was so bad that he prayed for God to remove it on several occasions.

I tend to relate more to Peter. He was just a normal guy with no special education. Since we decided to start the process of starting a family, I have thought about Peter alot. I have found myself angry and jealous that EVERYONE around us seems to have no trouble at all getting pregnant and starting their families, even if they weren't trying to do so. I got so down and depressed that I couldn't hear the Lord whispering for me to step out onto the water.

If you know they story of Peter, he was out fishing one day when a massive storm came up. Jesus came walking on the water and summoned Peter to walk out to Him. Here is where we differ- I don't think I would have even taken that first step onto the water, but Peter did. AND HE DIDN'T SINK. Well, he didn't sink until he started looking around him and seeing all of those big waves coming at him. That is when it happened. He took his eyes of Jesus and he started to sink. That I can relate to. Things go well for a while and I say, Ok God, I got it. I can take over from here. I take my eyes off of Christ and that is when I start to sink. Can anyone relate?

Then there is another person that I have found myself relating to alot since the first of the year. His name is Eutychus. If you don't know him- read the story- it's pretty amazing (Acts 20:9-12). This guy fell asleep while Paul was preaching and fell out of the third story window and DIED! Paul then proceeds to raise him from the dead. Here is the similarity, I had been listening to doctors and watching everyone else around us spitting out babies and wondering why God was mad at us. We wondered what we did wrong that we weren't worthy to have or raise a child when there are a million teenage moms out there who can't afford to feed or care for a baby. Not to mention every night on the news you read about some scum bag who kills or abuses a sweet little baby and it really makes you wonder. I had to die- not physically, but had to die to all of those feelings of anger and resentment. At Christmas time, I did. I died. Then I was raised to a new way of thinking. God has a child for us. We know his name and love him already, but we haven't met him. Somewhere right now he is sleeping in a little dirty cot. His little clothes are probably ragged and don't match each other, but that is my boy.

We got some bad news today. Apparently the people we were supposed to switch places with in line decided to change their minds. When Jenn called me this afternoon crying to tell me that it may be as late as July before we get submitted now, I found my first thought being- what did we do wrong? Here comes another wave, just like Peter. We have a choice to make, will it be put our focus on the wave or put our focus on the one who controls the wave with just a soft whisper.

Thanks for reading this as I ramble on with my unorganized thoughts and bad grammar. I just know that one day I am going to look back and read this post and see how the Lord used this day for His good, our good, and that sweet little guy waiting for his new Mama and Papa to come and get him.